It Makes Me Wonder What Kind of Mommy (and Teacher) I’ll Be

Although I enjoyed pretty much the entire last chapter of this book, I found the first part (and how it relates to teaching) to be what popped out the most. The excerpt that explained how parenting was 3% concious and 97% automatic caught my attention, because it made me wonder.

I’ve thought about what kind of things I’ll want to teach  my kids, when I have them. I’ve thought of morals and rules and traditions that I wish to instil in them. I’ve planned out how I will handle their teen years, when they’ll be allowed to date, what kind of Halloween costumes are acceptable, how we’ll handle their tragedies when, as adults, we’ll know it’s not a big deal.

But now I’m not so sure. Is my automatic self the kind of person I want my kids to see? For the most part yes. I need some improvements, no doubt, but I’m decent in most respects. But then I wonder again, what about when I’m a teacher.

One thing about me that I would give the world to change is my tendancy to get really awkward around other kids. I’ve worked around kids before, and (for God only knows what reason) they seem to love me. But inside, I’m thinking, “Please don’t leave me alone with them! I don’t know what I’m doing! Am I doing this right? God, I’m gonna end up doing something stupid and scarring their little minds for life! Oh God why?!” As I freak out, I’m usually one saying, as Johnson gave an example of, “That’s… nice.”

So what could this chapter offer me? Well, for one I understand that I have to live up to whatever I say, or else I’ll end up confusing the crap out of everyone, or worse, one of my students will call me out and I’ll loose all credibility. I also know from this chapter that it’s important to be careful with words, so as not to demean the students (of course, that’s what the who book is kind of about, which is why I’m not selling it what the semester is over).

Similarly, when I have kids, I have to be careful not to act outside of the morals I want to set up for my children. Of course, where the conscious effort ends and the automatic parenting begins can be a matter of the moment. In which case, I would find it important to live up to those morals now rather than later. After all, my automatic can’t really change, but it can be reprogrammed if I don’t like the way it is. It takes practice and time, but in the end, I know it’ll be worth the trouble.

Part of me is nervous as all get out. I not only want to teach English. I want to be a good role model. I want to teach them how to learn, and to teach them by not “teaching” them. However, I’m a little nervous that, in doing so, I’ll end up making a mistake and doing more harm than good. Or that I’ll start sinking into that way of teaching where it’s, “No, that’s wrong. This is the right way,” by accident and do the opposite of what I wanted to do.

However, I’m not easily deterred by fear… okay, I am! But not this time! This book has given me a priceless amount of confidence and tools that I can’t wait to get started in using! Overall, fantastic!

My New Love: CNF

 

At first, I was a little unsure of creative Non-Fiction. After all, my forte and experience had been in fictional stories. Not to mention that I have the memory of a week old carnival goldfish (note: carnival gold fish usually die within a week). I never really thought any kind of non-fiction could be for me. But then this whole experience proved me wrong. And trust me, I’ve never been happier to be wrong.

The first essay we did, I was a little sketchy on. After all, I don’t really have a “process”. I don’t come up with clever things like keeping note cards in my pocket or something. I didn’t really have too much of a past with literature, and I sort of stumbled upon this love of English myself. So at first, I was thinking, “God, I can’t do this! What am I supposed to say?” I was able to find something, but it was a bit of a gravel road when we first started on this adventure.

Our second essay, however, went a lot smoother. I decided to go with Option A, which is a prompt saying to talk about a favorite song. I was really excited, because I had only a month or so ago discovered my new favorite song, “Awoken”. Above is a screen shot of the music video (animated by Brony Dance Party on youtube). The song is written by H8_Speed (or TheUlasht) and features Wooden Toaster. If you have time, watch it!

 

Anyway, I really loved writing about this song, because it felt really good to get all my thoughts and feelings about it down on paper, to look at and realize what all that commotion in my chest was all about. It was a fascinating experience. If I had time, I could have just gone on a rant about this song, but I knew that it would be so good to the essay’s focus. It was hard not going off on an tangent, but in the end, the essay came out very well.

 

Over all, my experience with CNF has been enjoyable and interesting. It makes me more excited for what’s to come. Adventure Ho!

My 12 Writing Quirks

 

I’m really happy that we get a chance to mix it up a little this week (But don’t think that you’ve escaped the power of the ponies! Mwahahahaha!). I’ve decided to show you my writing process collage. It’s actually more of a lite of quirks that help me get started and keep going. That being said, these come in no particular order, or I’ll just move from top to bottom.

1. The kissing couple. (top left corner)

Thinking about romance is how I come up with most of my ideas when I write stories. Whether I’m writing sci-fi, fantasy, an apocalypse, etc. I usually have someone fall in love. This isn’t always the case, but it usually is. It may be just the squealing high school girl inside of me screaming, “Look at me! I know what love it! Look at my boyfriend, he cute! And he’s mine! Look at me, I’m in love! LOOK AT MEEEE!”. Nevertheless, writing about romance doesn’t always coat my stories in a coat of rose colored paint. It also opens up opportunities for different kinds of drama. Even though my personal relationship is sailing smoothly, I do like to stir up a little trouble from time to time. In fact, it’s due to my relationship going well that I do write drama and sorrow into my romances. It’s a safe place to fantasize, while still being happy in a non-dramatic relationship.

2. “The Birds and the Bees” (Top middle)

Despite the fact that I’m a proud virgin, the aspect of “it” has crossed my mind a time or two, and some of those thoughts do find their way into my writing. In honesty, I didn’t think we’d be sharing these, which is why I included this picture. But in seriousness, it’s true. I have yet to (and probably never will) go into vulgar detail. I more enhance the feelings, at least to the best of my abilities.

3. The Lightbulb.

No, it doesn’t mean that ideas help me write. Even though that’s true, it’s far too obvious! What it’s supposed to stand for is my mind’s tendency to wander. I’m an avid daydreamer, and I’ll probably think of a dozen ideas a week, picking out those that I deem acceptable (yes, I’ve have hundreds of cruddy ideas. We all have them!). Even if I only have a bad idea, my mind will feed on it’s good aspects, eventually making it’s way down a train of thought, evolving into an entirely new, spectacular idea! I’m really grateful for a multi-track mind, because without it, I’d be stuck!

4.Computer Lady (Middle, second row)

I do most of my writing on the computer. It’s easy, convenient, and all my work is saved on a cute little USB. There are days that I wish I had a typewriter. The novelty of it is very enticing. But even so, I’d still do most of my work on my computer, using the typewriter as a therapeutic device when I’m stuck. That may change if I ever do get one, but that’s the way I see it now.

5. Exploring Old People (right, second row)

It’s the oldest piece of writing advice in the book: if you have writer’s block, take a walk and clear your head. So that’s basically what I do. Not only do I have a fresh head when I return, but while I’m out, I can usually find inspiration. For instance, if I’m writing about a zombie apocalypse, and I’m walking around a pretty much empty street or park, I’ll start imagining it as though I were in that scenario. This visualization puts me in touch with the emotions of my characters, the descriptions of the scenery, etc.

6. Paintbrush (Under kissing couple)

This one is a little but of a stretch, but it’s my collage, so there! 😛 Anyway, the paintbrush is supposed to stand for alternate forms of expression. Now, I write, because it’s a creative outlets, and I’m good at it. However, there are times that I need a break from that to express myself in other ways. This includes, art, singing, and dancing: all things that I’m utterly God awful at. Now, I have a decent voice at times, and there are days where I can keep a rhythm, and other days where I happen to have an eye for color. But I’m still not so good as to make a career out of those things! They’re role in my life is to give me a break from writing when I need it, while still giving me a way to express myself.

7. Fridge Kids (Middle)

Pure and simple, the biggest way to motivate me is to tell me that what I’ve written is good. I have the self esteem of a rock, and there are days that I’ll re-read my work and say, “This bites! I’m a horrible writer!”. Then I’ll ask someone else’s opinion, and they’ll tell me it’s good, and I’ll feel all squishy inside and keep writing. Sometime it’s shallow praise… actually, it’s usually shallow praise, but it still helps! I’m not closed to constructive criticism, though. On the contrary, I’m in desperate need of both! But both means BOTH! I need to be told it’s good too, you know.

8. Spa Lady (Middle Right)

When I’m feeling frazzled over a story, and I don’t feel like going for a walk, instead I like to pamper myself. I turn off my brain and spoil myself rotten. I buy some yummy food and watch T.V. in my PJs. I put on a mud mask, then take a shower. If I have the money, I’ll go buy a massage (or ask my sister to give me one!). Point it, there are times where, if I’m ever going to get myself to write, then, like a computer, I need to turn off my brain and give it some time to cool off and rest.

9. Chocolate (lower left)

This goes along with the whole relaxing thing. It’s really any food at all that does the trick. However, along with that, it can also serve as inspiration. For instance, last summer, me and my family went to a restaurant. I was bored, and my mind started to wander as I sipped my ice water. As I held up the glass to the window and looked through it, the water looked blue. That’s what gave me an idea to do a story on a race of elven people who have to drink some sort of elixir to survive (don’t ask.). Okay, I know ice water doesn’t count as “food” to some of you, but it counts if it’s in a restaurant!

10. Man Reading (lower middle) and bookshelf (Lowest left)

I don’t have all too much to say. They best way to get better at writing is to read. Vocabulary naturally gets more advanced, voice gets stronger, and it’s a good way to unwind during writer’s block. It’s pretty obvious stuff, so I won’t dwell.

11. Texting Body (Lowest Middle)

I write literally all the time (and I literally mean literally), because I’m in contant contact with my boyfriend. Other than casual conversation, we also write stories together (on the computer and over texting), done in what we call Role Plays, or RPs. (This was in my last essay, so if you’ve read it, skip on down). Basically, he creates a character, and I create a character. Then we put them in a setting, create a conflict, and have our characters interact with one another to solve the problem. It’s a fantastic writing tool, and it has lead to the creation of several great ideas, and a truckload of development for each one!

12. The Northern Lights (Lowest right)

I’ve never seen the Northern Lights in person, although I wish too. But whenever I’m outside, and I find something fascinating in nature, I take the time to stop and watch. Even pictures of wondrous natures gets me going. I like to write a lot of fantasy, which involves a lot of nature. So obviously, I need a lot of material. And what better source to draw from to write fiction than from reality?

The Dredded “But”

I found this chapter to be interesting, in regards to more ways to help struggling students. Again the words chosen out seem to be as important as the context. One particular sections caught my eye, when Johnson explained the use of the phrase, “You really have me interested in this character [in your writing] because of the things he says, and if you show me how he says them and what he looks like, I will get an even stronger sense of him.”

First of all, I found that to be a very good way of giving constructive criticism. I’m always nervous whenever I tell people how they can improve, and there really isn’t a negative syntax in that sentence that can be taken the wrong way. However, as I read on, there was something else that caught my eye.

He explains how teachers will usually point out the good before explaining the faults, and although that’s a good way to go about it, there’s still more to it than that. He says that most teachers say “You did this right, BUT you need to…” when they correct students. Personally, I hate the word but. There’s nothing that ruins my day better than getting praise for something, only to have it taken away and have my self esteem blow up in a fiery pit of doom by the awfully dreaded word, “but”.

 

To me, using the word but (at least in this context) is the same as saying, “Well, you did something right, but that’s not as important as this huge glaring error. But if I point it out, you won’t start crying.” And it’s true. I didn’t start crying. It still hurt to know that I could be easily bought over with one measly compliment and take a hundred of my flaws thrown at me in high definition. And it’s not only with my writing either.

On top of that, I really like Johnson’s phrase here, because not only does it tell the student what to fix, but also how to fix it, and how it will improve the writing. I really could have used something like that sooner. With “but” phrases, I was told about the errors and everything, but I was never really told how to fix the problem. And seeing as I felt stupid enough to have those errors thrown in my face, I didn’t really feel like asking for help.
 

But this phrase takes that out of the equation all together. The student is told how to fix it, and is told how it will help the writing. This, I think, will make it more likely that the student will take the advice.

So, from a personal standpoint, I feel that this phrase is the most helpful out of the bunch!

Progress is the Golden Key

 

This one will be a little shorter than my others, mainly because me and my family are in the process of moving, and I’m a little cranky today because of it. I apologize.

I found this chapter, like the last, to be very interesting, mainly because it gave me questions to ask and things to say as a teacher that I never would have thought of asking or saying. I know that asking questions is important in learning and developing, both on the student’s account and the teacher’s. A student’s questions help them gain clarity on things that they don’t understand, while a teacher’s questions help the students think about things in a different way. However, I was uncertain on just what questions to ask.

My favorite of the bunch would be, “Remember the first week when we had to really work at walking quietly? Now you guys do it automatically”. I’ve found that, in my own experience, looking back on how far I’ve come is a great motivation when I’m discouraged. I’ve had to work hard to get through to where I am today, especially so when I was a child and I was working my way through Asperger Syndrome. When I was young, I had to really work at certain things, like keeping my over active emotions in check, learning how to socialize and “play nice”, and nailing down routines that so many other kids were achieving with no problem (for the sake of my dignity, I’d rather not go into detail). I could have easy given up and played the, “Why should I try if I have a legit excuse?” card, but thanks to the encouragement of my family, I was able to get through it all with hard work. Now all of these things, more or less, are second nature to me. I “do it automatically”.

The same can obviously be said for writing. Spelling and grammar get more refined as we learn how the system works. Our tone and voice get stronger as we discover our personalities and learn how to put it in words. Even our love of literature gets stronger, the more we learn to appreciate it.

To me, this is more than just a comment made on the progress of walking, or even of literature. It’s about progressing through life, getting strong among so many aspects, until we’re the best we could be. That’s really why I loved this comment out of the rest.

It’s All so Clear!

I’ll be honest. Thought most of my life, I’ve underestimated the power of words. I never gave it that much thought. I knew words were  important, so don’t get me wrong there. Our language is how we express ourselves. How we communicate. It’s an essential aspect to our civilization, so much so, that we’ve invented ways for the deaf to speak and the blind to read (sign language and braille, respectively). However, I never really gave much though to the real details of words, and how much it can change everything.

I would be told about, “Life altering speeches/lectures” or how a certain movie or class would “Change my view on everything.” I was skeptical whenever something like that would come up. How could my life, or even my perspective change in only an hour, with just a slurry of words and sentences? Answer: it can’t. But now I realize that it’s not that simple. If a person takes the time to delve into the language and uses it the right way, a simple sentence can hold amazing meaning and life altering perspectives.

One parallel between the first chapter of “Choice Words”, by Peter Johnson, and my academic career was outlined in the section, “Making Meaning: Making People”. He talked about how a teacher approaches a rowdy discussion group can change their attitudes towards reading from that point forward.

In essence, it was a choice between, “Do as your told, because I’m the teacher and I say so.” “Try to be considerate of those around you.” and “Let’s figure out the problem together.” The second and third are equally logical, and have their places in certain situations. As for the first option, the book clearly had some reservations about it. For me personally, I clearly see what he means, and have my own personal distaste for such a tactic.

For starters, the first shines a negative light on the reading/discussion experience. Even if the students weren’t discussing at all, and flinging rubber bands at each other, simply snapping at them to get back to work would put a damper on the learning experience.It would turn from a fun way of learning, to work that they are forced into by the teacher. It would clearly be better to ask them why they are not discussing, and how the problem can be remedied.

This is reminiscent of a substitute teacher I had in high school (who probably didn’t like kids, by the way he treated us). I remember one time, he was substituting a teacher on the day of a test. A few of the students who liked to pick on him were being rowdy, causing him to start yelling at everyone to get back to work. The constant yelling of “Get back to your tests and don’t say another word, or else!” created an uncomfortable environment in which the test, which was supposed to be a simple, unstressful assessment, became the subject of fear and anxiousness.

I would have much preferred him to gently approach the trouble students rather than yelling at us as a whole, asking them what the problem was, or simply (since they were mainly doing it to spite him) asking them to step outside.

Another section that caught my attention was “Explicitness”. As I read though it, I began to think back on my senior year of high school, as I serves as a TA for a kindergarten class. Johnson makes several remarks that I can relate back to some of the choices I made when I was in that classroom.

He first talked about the disadvantage that minority children had in the classroom, because teachers usually don’t explain in detail how every little thing is done, assuming that the children know how things work. This puts minority children at a disadvantage, as they sometimes don’t know how things work. While being the TA for the kindergarten class, there was a little boy (of Hispanic ethnicity) who spoke little English, understanding just enough to get through.

However, this presented itself with struggles along the way, as I found that he had a hard time following directions. In an effort to help out, I consulted my Spanish teacher and asked for a “cheat sheet”, so I could better communicate with him during the time that he would put together arts and crafts (since I came during the activity portion of the day). I learned how to say “cut this” “color this in” “glue this here”, and several other phrases. When I first tried to tell him to “cut this out”, I turned my attention to another student, coming back to see that he had cut the picture into several pieces.

I suppose that would have been a situation where being more explicit would have been helpful, and looking back, I should have thought it through a little more before trying it. It wasn’t the end of the world (the teacher I was assisting was actually impressed with the idea), but I still wish I could have better communicated.

On the other end of the spectrum, Johnson goes over how too much explicitness can inhibit a child’s problem solving skills. This brought to mind the time, near the end of the year, where the children were practicing writing by putting a sentence under a picture they had drawn, according to a certain subject.

One of the little boys showed his to me, which I properly praised. However, when I got to the word he spelled as “wired”, it didn’t make much sense to me in context. I had to ask him what the word was, in which he responded, “It says ‘weird’.” I smiled and gently told him to add an “e” between “w” and “i”, and the boy went on his merry way to do so.

The teacher overheard and pulled my aside, telling me that what I did was something I shouldn’t do again (she wasn’t mad, she was just correcting me). I agreed, as I was well aware that I wasn’t exactly trained to teach, and  that she knew more about it than I did.

Still, I wondered, why was it so bad to teach kids how to spell. What would it hurt? Then, after reading this, I understood. If they’re simply told how to do every little thing, they eventually won’t bother to learn it. Why bother remembering when you know that it’s going to be told to you again if you mess up? But if the kids practice enough and eventually figure out the right spellings of words for themselves, they’ll find joy in learning, and want to do it more and more.

All in all, this first chapter has given me great insight on what it is to be a truly great teacher. I can’t wait to read more, and I’m certain that it’ll give me the tools I need to become the kind of teacher I need to be.

My Opinion on the Bat Poet

 

I recently Read the “Bat Poet”, by Randall Jarrell, and I have to say that it was a really good read, and over all, I’m glad I took the time to read it. Candid, it was a little simplistic in it’s use of the language, the moral of the story, and so forth. However, for a children’s book, I’d say that it was a story meant to be enjoyed by both the young and old.

To be honest, I didn’t much care for the poetry in the story. Then to be fair, I’m not a big poetry fan at all. However, there was one poem that I actually enjoyed reading. The poem, “The Chipmunk’s Day” was more of an experience of imagery than it was of in depth thinking, and that’s what I really enjoyed about it. My eyes dashed across the page as I read, making the poem go quickly by, the exact way a chipmunk runs. There are moments where the words get slightly longer to read, exactly how a chipmunk will suddenly stop and look around before dashing off again. All around, “The Chipmunk’s Day” was my favorite poem out of the bunch. None of the poems are really my cup of tea, though. But then again, I’m not really all that into poetry.

The characters in the story really caught my attention (For the sake of not having to say “the” the entire time I write this, I’ve given them all simple names). First we find out main character, “Batty” (the bat) and his family (or I think it’s his family. The book never really specified.). When the story kicked off, I personally found the attitude of Batty’s family really rude. They change their sleeping place for no reason, seemingly, and feel no sympathy for how Batty feels. Is there no compromise? Can they at least give a reason for moving? I’d understand if they felt as though the narrator was spying on them (“I’d look up over my head and see him hanging upside down from the roof of the porch”), but when Batty asks for a reason of why they moved, Batty’s family only says, “We don’t know. What do you want to sleep on the porch for?” For me, that’s the equivalent of your family waking up one morning, packing everything into a van and moving across town, and after you ask why, they say, “Meh, no reason. Our old house, and this new house are of equal quality, so what the hell?” To me, it makes no sense.

Of course, Batty gets no free pass either. He could have worked a little harder on compromise as well. But that’s enough about that. Overall, Batty is… well, he’s an okay character. I totally understand that he wants feedback on his poetry, and he wants people to hear his poems and say that they’re good. That’s great, and it’s something all writers feel. In that sense, it’s a very relate-able aspect of the story.

But, as much as I understand how much Batty likes poetry, he seems a little snobby in my opinion. However, when Batty recited his first poem to the Mocky (the mockingbird), he received real feedback. After Batty recited to Mocky his poem, Mocky replied that he loved how technically accomplished it was, and how the rhyme scheme changed and how he liked how the last like was “two-feet” short. He didn’t say anything bad about the poem, and yet after Batty left, he seemed a little resented.

Now, I understand that Batty mainly felt bad because he didn’t comment on the content. But what else did he expect from a mockingbird’s perspective? However, I found this flaw in Batty’s personality to add depth to the story, and really bring it to life. Like I’ve always been told, “The perfect heroes always have flaws, and the perfect villains always have redeeming qualities. No one is 100% evil or good.”

After Mocky, we get to see Chippy (the chipmunk). Unlike Mocky, he usually makes comments on how he feels about the content, and the parts he likes. This really reflects the different kinds of analysis types, something I’ve been learning in English 3150. I’d say Mocky represents Deconstructive Criticism, and Chippy represents either Reader Response or New Criticism (I can’t tell the difference! Jessica D. Help me!).

I think it’s about time to wrap it up, which I’ll do with the themes of the book. Now, there’s the simple theme of being yourself and doing what you love, despite what others may think, and that you shouldn’t be afraid of others teasing you for what you like. That’s the over all theme, as we see Batty struggling with his passion of poetry and how his family thinks of him throughout the entire story. But there’s a specific part in the story that told me a very important lesson for all writers to learn.

This lesson is in the part of the story, where Batty and Chippy go to visit Mocky. Batty recites the poem about Mockingbirds to Mocky, who takes the content of the poem to heart. “You sound as if there were something wrong with imitating things!” he yells at Batty afterward. “…you sound as if there were something wrong with driving [trespassers] off. It’s my territory, isn’t it?” Mocky continues to yell at Batty and Chippy, expressing how horribly offended the poem made him feel.

So you may be wondering what lesson this part of the book can portray. The lesson is this: no matter what you write, be it a biography, documentary, poem, short story, novella, or what have you, I can nearly guarantee that in some point during your career, someone is going to be offended! It can’t be helped. Maybe someone in the political party opposite yours finds your documentary on abortion stupid. Perhaps a family member recognizes himself as the villain in your novella, despite the fact that you’ve carefully changed names, or even despite that you weren’t thinking of creepy Uncle Rick (no offense to any one who has or is an “Uncle Rick”) at all as you were writing about the villain. Or maybe you re-tell of a fight you had with your best friend in your short story, and your friend gets mad at you for it. Someone, somewhere out in this big wide world of ours is going to read what you’ve written, become offended, and probably hate you for it.

Yeah, that’s life, and it’s a pain. Heck, I wouldn’t be surprised if I came to class on Monday to find that everyone in class hates me for calling Batty a bit of a snob. And you know what, that’s okay! You know why? Because if you ever get published, then for every one person who hates what you’ve written, there are bound to be a hundred that love it. Just like when Mocky hated Batty’s Mockingbird poem, but Batty’s family adored him for it. And for me, that theme speaks louder than anything.

So overall, it’s a lovely story, an easy read, and holds deep within it, a lesson that all must learn! That that’s the cold hard truth!

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